A More Friendly Blog...

Yeah for a reader friendly blog! Expect a nicer less intense posting pattern from now on...

MacBeth Part 2

I am most like Malcom.

So foul and fair a day I have not seen

So many times we look to see ourselves in others as a means to connect. Sometimes our natural disposition to identify our good (ignoring our faults) and focusing on other's flaws is explained as mostly human nature. Even psychology surveys demonstrate that most believe themselves to be much better than the average population. So what about us causes us to attempt to sift out our flaws in our own self-reflection. Is it that self awareness is social faux pas? Or do we prefer to live in denial? These prying and maybe even considered off putting questions come as a result of once again beginning to read one of my favorite fictional selections: Shakespeare's Macbeth. Let it be known that I am not and do not pretend to be a literary scholar, let alone an authority on Shakespeare. My love for this book initially stems from an eighth grade assignment involving a masterpiece of our choice. As most lethargic teenagers I chose the piece with least pages. To my surprise, I became instantly drawn into the story (with some help from a supplementary text). Murder, treachery, the medieval period, struggles of conscience, and plenty of twists and turns are appealing to most adolescent boys. Even at the superficial entertainment level I could see value in this work.

So many have asked why I continue to reread a book when I know the story and its conclusion. Texts worth rereading provide two things: new understanding over time and a reflection of what has happened in your life since the last read through. For example, the first time I read through Jurassic Park I was mesmerized by its amazing level of biological information and its suspenseful plotline. Upon reading it again, though just as intriguing as before, the science was more understandable and made it that much more compelling to my scientifically geared mind. Macbeth is no different.

Macbeth's story structure leads one down a gauntlet of personal questions. You wonder to whom, of all the characters, you identify with the most. If you say one particular character you might want to read it through again, or if it happens to be one of the main characters, maybe you should see a psychiatrist. In an honest assessment, one might find the good and bad in several characters and possibly find these traits in oneself. The goal is not to make yourself feel bad. On the contrary, you might find it relieveing. You can ask yourself "would I do the same?" or recognize maybe that "yeah...I've done that". The Thane of Cawdor is sometimes boiled down to a simple lust-driven man predisposed toward villianry. Yet wasn't he referred to as the brave, courageous, loyal, loving, and even (gasp) "good" Macbeth? The interesting argument of fate and agency in this play cannot be ignored in it own right and especially not in this disscussion. Macbeth, a good man, had his flaws. He enjoyed the luxury of being a Thane and even desired to believe the witches' prophecy that he would once be King. The same could be said of his lovely wife. The choice they made to make it a reality led them, not to happiness, but on path of insanity, misery, and eventual destruction. The witches predicted the character's outcomes but did Macbeth make his future or simply pass through a pre-determined life? If someone told you would be rich beyond your wildest dreams, would you rob a bank to make it happen? Though I don't believe in pre-destination it does leave for an interesting discussion.

As I read through my copy again I hope to see new things about myself come to the surface. I hope to see more Banquo than Donalbain. More Macduff than Macbeth. The good/bad struggle faced by all these characters can teach us much. This dicotomy works to drive home that, though imperfect, we do have a choice. Lusts of power and fame do not bring the happiness that all men seek. We learn this in Macbeth and most importantly in the scriptures. Though natural men, we can choose to be courageous, loyal, and deeply respected when correctly rooted in the gospel independent of our earthly endeavors. So to bring this disscussion to full circle-I hope this is another positive experience confirming that I am content, just like Banquo, to beget kings even if it means I won't be one myself.

One..Two...Three...Lift.

So after two months of no gym membership I finally broke down and signed up at Gold's. About ten pounds lighter and lifting significantly less, I hit my breaking point. It was funny to see the disbelief in some I told today that I would be returning to the gym. Their blank faces and then emerging smirks has given me even more motivation. In reality it was a decision to relieve some stress now and the stress I know will have during med school applications. I would be lying though if I said that I didn't need the exercise. There I said it. Well we will see our results over the next couple weeks since I plan on taking advantage of the accessibility and see if it is worth the investment. Only time will tell...

When I was on my mission...

So why does this phrase receive so much animosity? Is it an attempt to avoid the Utah "Peter Priesthood" reputation or trying to one-up everyone? The fear of conformity of being just like every other returned missionary? Or is it the devastating realization that you might have reached the climax of your adult spiritual life and you are only headed down ever since? I can't say I have an answer but I can't help but think what I feel of my mission, what it has done, and my life's direction in the four years since my return. Yeah that's what I said. Four years come July 10th. So why now of all times and places am I discussing it opening in blog form? Funny you should ask...

Actually it probably is something I have thought a lot about ever since I moved to Boston. The sudden even drastic change of scenery from Provo, Utah to Boston, Massachusetts has awaken me yet again to a new perspective of life, individuality, and greater things in the grand scheme of things. I loved my time in Provo. I learned the beauty of biological science. I saw the Lord's hand in opening incredible opportunities for my career and relationships. I served in many capacities to many different demographics. I built strong friendships I hope to have forever. But as the pages turn in the story of life, one chapter ends with a twist to open a new chapter unfolding with unexpected direction. So why Boston? Why the farthest away from friends and family that I can get in the United States? To some, the phrase "Harvard Medical School" would seem enough of a reason. Though I can't doubt the doors it might open, my career goals held very little weight in the decision making process. Well in such a crossroads of decisionmaking you of course have to throw in a girlfriend for good measure just to kick the drama up a notch. Am I simply running away? Couldn't be farther than the truth. In fact, all would have been put on hold, even research at a prestigious medical school, if it had felt right. Personally, I don't feel I have to apologize or even explain myself even though the questions keep coming. A Master's degree, research in Oregon or Utah, and further health care training and employment were all viable options during the year I applied to medical school. So again...why Boston?

So what does this have to do with my mission? Absolutely everything. Five years ago, in the heat of the summer, a pastor for an evangelical church approached me and my companion. After the patronizing and subtle jokes about America's war in Iraq, his giddy tone shifted to attack. Apparently he wasn't so happy that we were converting his members. I let out a sigh and my nickname "the Pastor " was again validated. In the end of our conversation and as he walked away in frustration, the pastor turned and asked to the effect of "Why are you here Gringo?! You think you are doing anything here? They won't remember you, why make all this sacrifice when they will come back to my church in the end?" My response verbatim from my mission journal reads, "this is not a sacrifice, not even of two years of my life; this is giving two years to the Lord so he can shape the rest of my life."

When I was on my mission...I learned the true power

of prayer. That's why I came to Boston. A feeling so peaceful and

reassuring, one I had had many times before, pointed the way; and the day after I graduated I left on my next great adventure. Here, just as the mission, I feel the hand of God extend out to me and with those to whom I come into contact. Our live's and dream's become intimately intertwined. In the mission I, for the first time, caught a glimpse of the worth of a human life and soul in the eye's of God. Poverty and varying degrees of faithful church membership have directed my efforts in church service as well as volunteer work ever since. Was it the pinnacle of my life's experience? No, I don't believe so. As a stepping stone to greater challenges, it served to better define who I am.

In hopes of assisting in Spanish translation last Saturday morning I went with the missionaries to an investigator's home who happened to be from Honduras. The heat, the home decor, and Spanish phrases instantly transformed me to a different time. A time without car payments and medical aspirations. A time with white shirts and hair parts. A time of a focused mind and eye single to one purpose. I held back the tears as I bore my testimony in Spanish for the first time in four years. I could feel the difference. I have grown so much. Simple gospel truths came back into focus. And in that moment I knew why I was in Boston. Was it only to teach her the third discussion? I would venture to say...probably not. I believe my duration here will be a time of exchange. I have much I can learn and grown from those who live here. Their passions, humor, and experiences will augment my own and continually shape me to how the Lord sees fit. Am I perfect? Far from it; I am not on a soapbox right now. I wanted to express that I am neither ashamed or afraid of saying how much my mission has impacted my life. Don't forget however that I have also grown up since my return. Let the mission stories fly if it means we can recall the good times but, most importantly, reminisce so we are reminded of why we believe and do what we do.

Pictures from Beautiful Boston

I told you so...

Well my primary applications are in for MD and Texas MD schools. Oh man am I getting nervous, and we haven't even begun the process yet! I'm sure this blog will see enough medical school updates so I won't focus too much today and I'll save it for some real updates.

I would like to publically congratulate Barack Obama for his nomination of the Democratic Party. It is truly a historic event. Yet amidst all the hype and excitement for Obama one should step back and realize what has happened this presidential election year. I can't help but feel that somehow we Americans need to take a second look over our candidates and wonder how did we get so far off course? I consider myself conservative on social issues and the economy but swing more left on regulation of certain markets and foreign policy. I would say I'm a pretty fair moderate. In this mindset, I believe that we chose the wrong candidates on both sides of the aisle. It should have been Mitt Romney (and not because I'm LDS) and Bill Richardson. Though not as well known initially, both had more experience, better track record, and overall more "Washington outsider" appeal. Now that the economy has become the central issue of the campaign I shake my head listening to McCain attempting to act like an economist all along though specifically stated otherwise. Obama's moving (and sometimes too long for my taste) speeches speak of economic hard times yet provide no plan or logic to validate his views. I guess I am just venting from paying $4.00 a gallon gas when billions of tax dollars are being spend overseas, being scared of a huge tax hike, and living in a United States where California too can now perform gay marriage. Seeing what is happening to this country just opens my eyes to how much we needed Mitt or Bill versus John or Barack. Governors are always favored in my book. Oh well, there's always next election. Too bad nothing really gets done. Just wait, give it four years when we are so low in a recession wishing for $4.00 gas again and only then we will say that maybe John Obama wasn't what we needed.

P.S. Don't worry this won't turn into another political bashing blog haha.